AuDHD, Hormones and the Cycle - What It Actually Looks Like

The afternoon that disappeared

Friends, it's cycle day 29, it's three o'clock in the afternoon, and I have approximately two hours to write this blog before my friend arrives at six.

I have had all day to do this. All day!

It was in the diary for 11:30am. And yet somehow the most useful thing I managed between then and now was an hour on my jigsaw puzzle, which, for the record, I did not need to do (massively sidetracked when I went to get my lunch).

Side quest... if you didn't know, jigsaws have become my ultimate switch-off tool since I took a giant vulva jigsaw to The Evolving HR Conference in November (because of course I did).

Obviously, I am obsessed now, and I can confirm that our local charity shops have no jigsaw puzzles left.

They are what I call a blissfully pointless activity, the benefit being they're the only thing that can quieten the internal verbal battles my ADHD and autism pose.

Why motivation behaves like this

Now, the thing about ADHD motivation is it tends to show up for novelty, intrigue, challenge, or emergency (NICE, if you want a handy acronym).

Which means that until the deadline of my friend arriving at six, the thing that I genuinely wanted to do today just... sat there... waiting... while I wrestled with myself about doing it.

And the wrestling is the bit I want to talk about.

Because being autistic and ADHD is a very particular kind of internal war.

➡️ The autistic part of me had a plan, a routine, a schedule, a sense of exactly how the day should go.

➡️ The ADHD part needed an emergency before it would cooperate.

The gap between those two things is where most of my day went. Sigh.

What AuDHD feels like from the inside

This is what AuDHD can look like from the inside.

Not chaos or an obvious struggle. Just a very noisy internal world, a routine trying to hold it all together (think wet paper bag full of shopping), and an enormous amount of energy being spent on a battle nobody else can see.

And that's before we add hormones into it.

So this week's question is...

"What does AuDHD actually look like with hormones in the mix?"

The bit TikTok leaves out

There's a very popular trend about AuDHD that gets a lot of airtime, sharing humorous paradoxes like 'I love routines but also want to blow my routine up', or the hyperfocus that means you can forget to eat for six hours but can't start a simple email.

Funny and true, but not the whole picture.

Take routine. The most common understanding is that if you're sticking to your routine, you're a regulated human.

But for so many AuDHD people, the routine is doing the work your attention can't.

Meaning it's just scaffolding and not evidence of regulation.

Here's what's not on TikTok... you can be fully inside your routine and still be completely freewheeling internally.

The routine is intact, the regulation isn't.

From the outside, nothing looks wrong, but on the inside, your mind is playing ping pong.

Today, trying to write my newsletter is an excellent example of that.

The invisible battle

The 'not doing' can also be misread as autistic inertia, but ADHD gives it a different spin.

It's the feeling of being pulled in two directions at once.

You have the thing you want to do, it's the only thing you have to do, and you still cannot get yourself there, because the ADHD can't initiate, and the autism can't shift you out of whatever state you're currently in.

Today, my newsletter was the only thing I needed to do, but my day completely dissolved in an internal battle.

Because the struggle against yourself takes up an enormous amount of energy, and most of it is completely invisible to anyone watching.

Hence... invisible disability.

Shiny objects and shifting focus

This shows up with our interests too.

Autistic special interests tend to stick around, the ones that have always been there, the topics that feel like a safety blanket.

But then there are what I call 'shiny object' interests, the ones that catch you suddenly, pull you in completely, and drop just as fast.

A new piece of software derailed my entire afternoon just the other day. From the outside, nothing looked wrong, but inside, it was an enormous effort to steer myself back.

I notice these firing up particularly in my pre-ovulatory phase, that rising oestrogen window that supports dopamine and makes everything feel just that bit more possible.

It's why we can end up wanting to start all the new things at exactly the same time.

Charting the patterns

I've been charting my neurodivergent traits as data points against my hormonal cycle since my diagnosis, two years ago (nerd 🤓).

I've been tracking how they shift across the month, and the patterns are evident enough that I can't un-see them.

The follicular phase (first half of the cycle), roughly days six to thirteen, can be a mixed bag.

Rising oestrogen supports dopamine, which means attention, motivation, cognitive flexibility and mood stability all show up more consistently here.

But also, why you can end up three side quests deep before lunch, and wondering how you got there.

That rising oestrogen can peak overstimulation and overwhelm, in what I like to call spring wobbles, which almost certainly end in tears.

For AuDHDers, dopamine is already in short supply, so oestrogen helps the internal war quieten a little.

When you manage your capacity well, the 'shiny object' interests still surface, but the regulation of routine can hold it all together.

When the luteal phase hits

But the luteal phase (second half of the cycle), roughly from day seventeen onwards, can dysregulate all of that.

As progesterone rises and oestrogen drops, so does dopamine availability.

In my charting data, this is where almost everything gets harder... working memory, flexible thinking, emotional regulation, and the ability to manage sensory input.

Meltdowns and shutdowns show up almost exclusively in this phase.

The scaffolding is still there, the routine is still intact, but it's not holding up as well, and the internal freewheeling gets... spinny.

This is where the ping pong mind gets louder, and the internal war costs you more.

Perimenopause and the shifting ground

And for those of us moving into perimenopause, I'll just say this... the data gets spikier.

The difficulty is no longer neatly contained to the luteal phase, it starts creeping.

The predictability you'd just got used to becomes less reliable, and that in itself is its own kind of dysregulation for an autistic brain that runs on pattern and routine.

Autism is my primary diagnosis, and I've always felt that more, but the further I get into perimenopause, the wonky oestrogen is creating dysregulation earlier in my cycle, which has been a complete gem to manage.

None of this is a personal failing or a bad patch. This is being a neurodivergent person, at all points and at all times.

There is no cure for neurodivergence because it's not an illness. It's your neurotype for life.

Which is why many of us use identity-first language.

AuDHD is not something I have. Being an AuDHDer is something I am.

The goal is not to manage it away or to become some version of neurotypical.

The goal is to understand what it looks like for you, well enough that you can live the kindest life possible within it, without layering on expectations that were never designed for your brain in the first place.

Why this information matters

If you have an active hormonal cycle, understanding that framework can help you predict when your neurodivergent traits are likely to feel louder and design around it rather than be blindsided by it.

If you don't have an active cycle, understanding the interplay between your autism and ADHD means you can start to name what's happening as it happens, rather than just absorbing the cost of it.

And if neurodivergence isn't your story, knowing this might just help you understand the neurodivergent brains in your life a little better.

Either way, this is all just information.

If this all feels a bit familiar, send me a message, and we can talk about what that looks like for you.