 Prefer to listen? This post is also available as a Disappearing Periods - The Truth About Menstrual Products
A friend said to me the other day...
"I've had my period for 25 years. I still kind of just... want it to be over as quickly as possible. Is that normal?"
Yes friends, thats completely normal. And also, not entirely her fault.
Because the products most of us grew up with were specifically designed to make you feel exactly that way.
Think about the adverts from the 80s and 90s.
You know the ones with the women doing cartwheels in white shorts, riding horses and rollerblading into the sunset with suspiciously radiant skin.
The whole message, underneath all of that, was... with the right product, it's like your period isn't even happening.
(And you sure as hell shouldn't be thinking about sitting on the sofa during it.)
And so we absorbed that. The goal was invisibility, get through it, get back to normal and never EVER make a fuss or talk about it in polite company.
I don't know about you, but during my period, my sofa slug game is strong.
Naps and snacks are about the size of my ambitions when I'm bleeding.
No one is getting me on a horse.
So here's what I've been pondering... Does the product you use shape the relationship you have with your own body?
The more a product is designed to disappear your period, the less reason you ever have to look at it, think about it, or notice what it's actually doing.
And most of us were handed the disappearing kind from the very start.
But we've come a long way from the shame and taboo of that era. And not all products are doing the same thing today.
Tampons, pads and cups are not all doing the same thing
I want to be clear... this isn't about telling you what to use.
All products are valid, all bodies are different (sensory stuff alone makes this deeply personal), and there's no morally correct menstrual product.
And if you've been free-bleeding, that's cool. Personally, my 'tism makes this a hard no.
But it's worth knowing what each product does to your awareness of your period, because they genuinely differ.
Tampons are the gold standard of the barely-there experience. Designed well, changed without drama, and for stretches of the day, you can almost forget it's happening. That's the point. That is what they were built for.
Pads (especially reusable cloth ones) create more contact. You see your blood when you use the loo and notice it. It sounds small, and it is small, but it changes something about the experience.
Menstrual cups are where it gets interesting. Functionally, they're quite convenient, similar to a tampon in how much you can forget about them between changes.
But emptying a cup means coming into direct contact with your menstrual fluid in a way that nothing else really replicates.
And that matters more than you might think, because your menstrual fluid is officially recognised as your fifth vital sign of health. The colour, smell, duration, clots and consistency all paint a picture about your internal health. But you can only do that when you actually see it.
👉 Menstrual Blood & Health - How to Read Your Period
I get it, for some people cups are a real quick no. And not just because of the contact with your blood, but because they can be difficult to insert.
Also can be waaaaay less practical if you have very heavy periods because of how often they need emptying and where you have to do that.
Also, if you have very painful periods, the thought of having anything else up can be a step too far.
But for others, me included, it shifted something.
The cup is what got me paying attention.
A small ritual that changed how I think about my period
I started doing something a few years ago that I still do now from time to time. I dilute the menstrual fluid from my cup in water (1 cup to 1 litre) and use it to water my garden. The plants love the nitrates, but honestly, that's not entirely why I do it.
It's the most direct, grounded way I've found of acknowledging that this is happening.
That this is a real thing my body is doing, every month and is worth a moment of attention rather than a flush-and-move-on.
And yes, I'm a bit woo. But this isn't really about that.
Our internal rhythms mirror the world around us, the seasons, the lunar cycle, the constant ebb and flow of the natural world we're intrinsically part of.
That's not woo. That's just how life works. And part of my ritual is honouring that connection rather than disappearing it down the loo.
Now, you might have just had a visceral reaction to that. Maybe even a bit of disgust. And I get it, but isn't that exactly the point?
Because menstrual fluid is not dirty. It is not something to be ashamed of, and yet so many of us have been conditioned to treat it as precisely that.
In fact, I recently chatted with the brilliant Menstrual Dave at BioGrad (yes, that is genuinely what people call him), who is actively collecting donations of menstrual fluid for stem cell research.
The things it can tell us about our bodies go far beyond what we currently understand. That's not gross. That's bloody remarkable.
I know the garden ritual will sound like a lot to some of you.
That's fine. I'm not suggesting you do it.
But maybe there's a version of this somewhere between "cartwheels in white shorts" and "pouring your menstrual fluid into a watering can"Â that might work for you.
Making space for your period
If getting up close and personal with your menstrual fluid is not quite your cup of tea (pun absolutely intended), there are lots of other ways to make space for yourself at this time.
To just... be a little more reflective about what having a period actually means, rather than managing it away as fast as possible.
Here are a few other things I do.
I take the first three days of my period away from social media and outward-facing things.
Autopilot tasks only (think: no brain required).
I call it my moon cave time, which essentially looks like a sofa nest with naps and snacks.
I also have a few other rituals I like to do to mark the occasion...
- Cosy nights in
- Wearing something red
- Putting on the red bedsheets
- Epsom salt baths with candles
- Slow walks, yin yoga, breathing
- Saying no to social things without guilt
- Early nights and lie-ins (even just 15mins)
- Womb massage with lavender, clary sage, geranium and bergamot
I appreciate that not all of these things aren't possible for everyone.
 If you're working shifts, you've got small children and no backup, or your workplace wouldn't exactly celebrate you announcing a period pause, then carving out three whole days isn't realistic.
I know that.
In that case, think "pockets of less".
Even fifteen minutes more in bed. Dinner from the freezer that you prepared lovingly earlier in your cycle. Moving one meeting. Saying no to the social thing you didn't really want to do anyway.
The point isn't the three days. It's the decision to acknowledge that this week is different.
And I know for some of you this might all sound completely inaccessible.
If your period is painful, unpredictable, or something you've spent years dreading, noticing it more might sound like the last thing you want to do.
I get that.
I had a client who used to be absolutely terrified of her period and the pain it brought. But eventually, we got to a place of "disdained tolerance and a bit of side eye", which was genuinely a victory.
So the question isn't... can you love your period?
It's... is there one small thing you could do differently this cycle that isn't about managing it away as fast as possible?
Even if your period is painful (maybe especially if it is).
Pain is information. Â
And that alone is worth a conversation with someone who can help you make sense of it, your GP, a specialist, or someone who works in this space (glances around innocently).
Now, I'm not saying you have to do anything radical.
But experiencing 25 years of wanting it over as quickly as possible, like my friend, is a long time to be at war with your own body.
I'm just saying, maybe you can notice it a little more than you did last month.
And that's enough.