Autistic Burnout vs. Burnout - What’s the Difference?
Last week, after a 10-hour round trip to Essex, a full Monday of catch-up, and a Tuesday workshop, I thought I was managing. I even built in a buffer afterwards.
Except I hadn’t. Turns out, I’d scheduled another call straight after (thanks for nothing, ovulation energy!)
No downtime, no decompression, just straight into more people-ing.
cue… kitchen floor meltdown, snot bubbles and everything.
Glamorous it was not.
This was not the “I’m a bit overwhelmed and need a cry” kind of moment.
This was straight-up autistic burnout, a total nervous system shutdown, zero control, and a healthy dose of shame post all the dramatics!
Identifying Burnout
Identifying what this kind of meltdown actually is has been huge in helping me understand what the heck is happening to me.
For ages, I thought maybe I was depressed (except I wasn’t sad), or that I had chronic anxiety (except I didn’t feel anxious).
We throw “burnout” around a lot, but there’s a big difference between burnout in the typical sense and ‘end-of-day exhaustion’.
Kelly Swingler is the absolute authority on this. Deffo follow her for more wisdom (this is also why I’ve dubbed burnout as “Kelly Swingler Burnout” lol).
She explains three typical presentations of burnout as…
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Frenetic Burnout - This occurs when people work increasingly harder, often to the point of exhaustion, in an attempt to meet demands.
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Under-Challenged Burnout - This one crops up when people feel bored or unstimulated in their roles, leading to disengagement and mental fatigue.
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Worn-Out Burnout - This happens after long-term stress with little to no positive feedback (at work or in life) and leaves people feeling passive, flat, and done in.
But autistic burnout?
That’s a different beasty entirely.
It’s not just about being overworked or underslept.
It’s a full-body, brain-wide shutdown caused by cumulative overload... sensory, social, emotional, and cognitive.
ALL OF THE THINGS.
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
What Autistic Burnout Looks Like
So, if you’ve never hit that kind of wall, let me paint you a picture…
I notice my moments of autistic burnout tend to hit after a long stretch of masking... being out of my routine, navigating loads of social time, and pushing through (because that’s what life demanded).
But then… computer says “nope.” And I go down.
It can look like one of two things…
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The meltdown - the aforementioned (and very glamorous) snot-bubble meltdown, complete with uncontrollable crying, stimming, and general chaos.
A dramatic display to behold.
Which is why the shame after a meltdown is very real.
It can feel completely OTT to watch.
But the thing with meltdowns is… they’re uncontrollable.
Think of them like a pan boiling over, the pressure builds up and the steam and water just need a place to go.
I promise you, I have about as much chance of stopping one as I do a runaway train.
And because they build up over time, the thing that sets it off...
It is often totally random or teeny tiny.
It’s never about the thing; it’s the final straw in a haystack of “too much.”
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Complete and total shutdown - much less dramatic, waaa y less snot, but still absolutely debilitating.
For me, it usually ends with me collapsed on the sofa, completely non-verbal, communicating only in grunts and mmmmmms, much to the (obvious) despair of my partner.
🧠 Science Snack
Autistic burnout is linked to the autonomic nervous system (that’s the bit in charge of all the stuff your body does automatically, like breathing, heart rate, and stress response).
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Shutdowns are a drop into dorsal vagal shutdown (the bit that triggers 'back of the cave' collapse response).
No energy, no words, no spoons. Just… off. -
On the flip side, meltdowns tend to come from sympathetic overdrive - aka fight or flight in full force.
That’s why they can look dramatic or explosive on the outside.
But both are the nervous system saying... “This is too much.”
How to Support Someone in Autistic Meltdown
Here are a few of my top tips…
➡️ Ditch the questions
“What’s wrong?” will not be welcomed.
All systems are go, just to get through the meltdown, so verbal processing isn’t happening.
Instead, try yes/no questions. We can nod or shake our heads if that’s all we’ve got.
➡️ Make it safe
Because meltdowns are uncontrollable, self-awareness and executive function will have left the building. Make sure we’re in a physically safe space where we won’t hurt ourselves.
Emotional safety matters too. Having space to melt down without judgment is everything.
I know it can look distressing, but just remember... we’re not having a psychotic break, we’re just maxed out.
➡️ Co-regulate (ask first)
Sit quietly and breathe with us (not ON us, yucky), if you feel able to. Just be there.
And I'm just saying… no one has ever calmed down because they were told to.
So ditch the “Come on, you’re ok” pep talks.
➡️ Touch carefully
This is personal and depends on how someone feels about touch in general. Personally, I love a deep-pressure bear hug, but only once the storm has passed.
Also, unless the stimming is causing harm, please never try to stop it.
Stimming is how we release the ‘too much’ - it’s how we regulate our nervous system.
➡️ Tools
Tissues. Silence. Low light. Noise-cancelling headphones. Maybe even a weighted blanket.
All welcome. All helpful. All low-effort ways to help us come back online.
I know it’s not always easy to witness. I know it looks like a disproportionate reaction.
But I promise, we’re not choosing it... we’re surviving it.
Why Workplace Support Matters
And, of course, let’s not forget, meltdowns take energy.
Sometimes, all of it.
So the likelihood of us being engaged afterwards is slim to none.
At home, this can be easier to manage with low sensory input, maybe even a nap.
But in the workplace? That’s a whole different situ.
I’ve had meltdowns at work before (back in my 9 to 5 days), and the shame I felt was intense.
Especially because I didn’t know what they were.
I was lucky enough, at the time, to have a kind line manager.
She walked me to a quiet space, sat with me while I cried, and sent me home to recover.
(shocker, she also had autistic kids, I reckon she silently diagnosed me in that moment🤣)
This is why pre-thinking these kinds of accommodations MATTERS!
Because when a meltdown hits, it’s intense, immediate, and involuntary.
You can’t schedule it for your lunch break.
So, the more knowledge, tools, and practical systems you have, the better you’ll be able to support your autistic employees when it really counts.
If your workplace doesn’t already have a plan for this, this is your sign to get it on the agenda now!
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